...But it persisted. That little voice got louder. It started squeezing my heart tighter and tighter, wrapping its little arms around the warm beating comfort. My chest started throbbing with the restriction of blood, of breath. That little voice found the strength to yell, to bellow, to roar. That voice filled my whole chest, my throat and then up into my head. It swirled in all the dark places and filled them with it's light, it's needs and desires.
And instead of getting angry and pushing it aside like I have countless other times, I succumbed, I surrendered. And I took all that misdirected love and started loving myself with it instead. For that's where it always belonged. Where the starting point should have always been. I ate the words, swallowed them whole. Let them pass through the entirety of my body, filling me up. The glory and intensity of all the love I had been trying so hard to fill your cup with was redirected to fill mine.
It's still filling it. I'm still navigating this place of self love, self nurture, self trust. This place where I am enough, where I don't need anyone else to validate my worth. Sometimes, it just takes a very roundabout journey to get there.