I’ve got a secret. Well, not necessarily a secret as much as something I don’t care to admit I guess.
I forget to breathe. More often than I’d like to own up to. I mean, c’mon I’m reading books and articles on meditation, leading a weekly meditation group, writing meditations, practically preaching meditation to you all as we’re about to launch a meditation business. Guys, a big ole part of my life revolves around meditation. And BREATH. How could I possibly ever forget? But, yet, I do. Thankfully, Chris is a great anchor. Reminding me to stay present with breath when he sees that overwhelmed and anxious side of me burst out as it likes to do. Because I definitely need those outside reminders to ground to the present moment at times.
My week has been overwhelming. I made it to the grocery store after a long day of massage clients the other day and I honestly felt like I deserved some kind of actual medal or certificate of recognition for having accomplished providing food for my family this week. Life be like that sometimes.
When I look at the big picture, it makes sense that I’m overwhelmed. I may put more on my plate than a human being is meant to handle. Providing as much financial and emotional support as I can to my 3 kids, being a homeowner and trying to keep the household running as smoothly as possible, a pet owner, running my own full time massage business in addition to launching a new meditation business with my best friend and life partner, Chris. Oh and never mind trying to keep up with family and friends and—if I’m lucky— getting some downtime to dedicate to the 101 hobbies that I enjoy.
Have I mentioned on top of all of this that I’m a perfectionist? That I am uber hard on myself if I can’t keep up on everything to my own standards? Guess what? I can’t. I mean c’mon Steph, who could? Maybe someone requiring no sleep, which is certainly not me. So, sometimes, I forget to breathe. And I often bathe myself in condemnation and self imposed guilt. But, the good news is—I recognize these things. And I’m a work in progress. And I keep going, even on the hard days. And I’m certain I’m not alone. This helps too.
So yeah, this is me today. Breathing. Existing. And trying to keep going when I really just want to be tucked up, reading my book in bed, hiding from all responsibilities.
But......Big girl panties up. I’ve got this. Anyone feel me?